The Table Manners Poem

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Forks, sporks, knives and spoons,
They matter not, the young man crooned.

Now, this goes here and that goes there,
What does it mean? Why should I care?
Who says I must eat like a clown?
With knife in right, fork upside down.

Spoon out, not in, sip from the side,
Don’t slurp, don’t burp, just eat with pride.
Who needs sorbet to cleanse the tongue?
I brushed my teeth, who needs such bung?

Must I blot all in between?
My shirt works fine, don’t be so mean.
My nose requires a hard, fast blow,
Touch not the cloth, I know, I know!

The glass, it’s here, just at the right,
You sip my drink, I just might bite.
And wine, each glass, it must be changed?
Just serve it up, I’ll pass no blame.

Bread plate, goes here, just left of plate?
Oh dear, done deal, it’s way too late.
The bread I butter, piece by piece?
My gosh, that way, hunger won’t cease!

And what’s with ‘elbows not on the table’?
Who cares, I say, tell that to Mable.
I wait and wait for ‘them’ to sit,
What the heck, just eat a bit?

Stand when she leaves, she leaves the table?
Pull out the chair . . . if I am able?
Caution now, with dirty jokes,
Watch what you say, don’t get verbose.

And gore, well no, not while we dine,
Elsewhere, okay, might be just fine.
I wait and wait for their hot food?
My food’s now cold, not in good mood!

Too many rules, I like to eat,
But with these rules, it’s not so neat!
Why not return to yesteryear
When hands were used and things were clear?

©Sherry Thomas. Feel free to share and reprint with copyright attribution.

 

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